So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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