belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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