I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize