It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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