That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
