Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
