Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
