Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I want to fling myself into the sun
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
