Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
