When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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