ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
