It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
