I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
