Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize