It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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