i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
