don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize