Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
