Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
