remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
