Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
