dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize