quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
