You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
