Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
