Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
