Im at strip club and am horny
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
