WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
