i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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