Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
