remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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