the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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