Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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