how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
