In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
