She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Randomize
