i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
