I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
