I think I am morally bankrupt
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize