Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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