And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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