If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
