thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
