yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
