next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
