I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
