I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
