She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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