grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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