I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
