Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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