there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
