I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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