He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
