It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
