you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
