this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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