If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize