I met the friendliest cop last night
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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