she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
