if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
