shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
