508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
