Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We need to get me chipped asap
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
there is puke in my bra ... again
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