My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
