yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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