I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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